But your still a child!!!

Hello again,

I thought that seeing as this is going to be a rather controversial topic and for me a very difficult one to talk about I would jump in the deep dark waters of teenage pregnancy.

I was a teen mum, twice in fact, I was 16 when i found out I was pregnant with Andy (now 25), then 19 with my second child Sophie (now 22), it was possibly the scariest time of my life, let me give you a little background first.

I grew up in Langley, my parents separated when I was around 15, I felt love from my parents but like many parents they both worked full time at Heathrow Airport, I feel like I didn’t see them as much as I would of liked but I was very fortunate to have a very lovely relationship with my Grandmother (nanny bungalow).

I will at some point touch on my childhood, but for now i will get back to my very early pregnancy.

So I was a little rebel, I had from around 15 decided that i was old enough to do what I liked really, not a care in the world, I started to drink, bit of diamond white haha, unless your over 40 I’m not sure you will know what it is, spending time with older boys and there cars, started to smoke a bit of pot and generally being a little shit.

I met a few older boys (18-20) acted like I knew what I was doing, secretly not having a clue, I worked at weekends occasionally at a family members B&B, she took in lads from other parts of the country whilst they worked in the area on building sites known as Digs, This is where I met Richard, he was 19, he drove a car, he worked, i was young and naive.

We started to see each other, he came from swindon originally and had moved with his family to Nottingham and was in sunny slough working, I was now 16, we were now in a proper relationship if you can call it that at that age, it certainly felt like it, i would see him after school and at weekends, I fell pregnant, I just remember thinking my mum and dad are going to kill me.

So I tried so hard to keep it to myself, I couldn’t and I told a friend at school, she told the teacher and they called me in and told me my parents had to know that night or they would do it for me.

So I plucked up the courage to tell my mum, It was awful, my mum couldn’t even look at me, she completely ignored me for what felt like a life time, then finally she said she would support me what ever I decided to do, but it was my child and if I chose to continue the pregnancy she would not be mum.

I sat my GCSE’s with my bump, went to my school leavers disco at the holidays inn in my maternity top, I went to sleep overs with bump in tow, I gradually backed away from my friends, nothing they had done, I was just on a different path, I cancelled my college application and concentrated solely on being a mum.

Life was hard, I didn’t really realise too much at the time, I feel like you have more guts at that age and less worries, I sailed through pregnancy, It was strange, I sat in the GP’s surgery waiting for my appointments to see the midwife and I could feel the eyes in the surgery glaring at me, now when I look back at photos I looked so so young, I would probably stare now too.

Although it would be in a different way I feel, I needed support and guidance, Unfortunately I got a lot of people who didn’t believe that a 16 year old could be a good mum, my little bump grew and I could not wait to be a mum, Fuck em I used to think, I will show you what a good mum is.

Andy was born at Wexham park hospital on the 21st November 1992, I was 17 in the December, I had a great birth with the most amazing midwife, I didn’t feel judged or 16 anymore I felt like a human being, He was born quickly without pain relief (no time) in 3 hours, he was a beautiful 7lb 3oz, it was 9pm at night, my mum and Richard were both at the birth, then they left and I remember feeling petrified, I stood in the shower and thought what the hell is this baggy sack on the front of my body, will it ever go, why am I bleeding so much, am I going to die with my baby and on my own.

I was moved to the ward, in them days (gosh i feel old) we stayed in hospital for 2 days after giving birth no matter the circumstances, I am so sad to say over all it was the most horrendous experience I have had, The midwives were just awful to me, they would make horrible remarks about my age and how I needed all the help I could get, luckily there was one gorgeous midwife, she took me off to show me how to be a mum, simple things like how to bath him, how to feed him, how to dress him, it doesn’t come naturally to all and I didn’t read up a lot about what I was about to embark on, Andy wasn’t born with an instruction manual.

I moved to Nottingham when Andy was 6 wks old, it was a way of us staying together and hopefully building a life together, we stayed for 3 years and then I missed my family so much we moved back to slough.

I think I was a great mum, I gave my boy everything he needed and more, he was safe, he was warm he was loved but i was judged massively, not just by professionals but by other mums, i never felt welcome or part of any groups, I ended up not attending any, I was sick of the stares, I was sick of telling people how old I was when they asked and them turning a head to talk to the other mums, no one should ever feel that way, just because I was 16 didn’t mean I wasn’t good enough to be a parent.

I had my daughter as a teen too, again I felt judged massively, I mean you can make a mistake once but twice, she was no mistake, I wanted another baby, I loved being mum, I had Sophie and as soon as I knew we were both ok I discharged myself from hospital exactly 2 hours after she was born, I feared being back in the same position as 2 years previous, I couldn’t bare the thought of feeling that way again.

I didn’t feel accepted until both my children were probably about 6months and 3 and I was just starting my 20’s, I gained a bit more confidence in my own parental ability, i had moved back to Slough from Nottingham and was living on a lovely little Cul de sac where I still live now, I had huge support from my neighbours who also had children not as young as me of course but they didn’t seem to care, I was finally part of a community and I was kicking arse at being a mum.

Ive since gone on to have our daughter Freya in my late 20’s, a home birth after the bad experiences of hospitals, no one looked at me twice with that pregnancy, I know its a shock to see a young mum, there just the same as other mums, there as scared as an older mum, every mum needs support at any age, us mums need to stick together, we need to hype each other up, I was by no means a perfect mum but I did alright, no one is perfect we all make mistakes, we all learn as we go along, I learnt so much with Freya by talking to other mums, by sharing experiences, I don’t feel I had that luxury with Andy or Sophie really.

I wouldn’t advise it to any teen, not because of judgement but because its hard, I wasn’t ready, not nearly ready, I winged it, I wouldn’t recommend it because I feel the years at college and uni are so important for your social circle, holidaying to Magaluf is important, not only so you get some dodgy tattoo and fall asleep on the beach drinking a slippery nipple but because it will make you the person you will become,  finding your place in this world is tough anyway, don’t get me wrong I don’t regret a day of it, it was just so tough, Im not sure of the statistics but obviously teens are still having babies, please take your time to chat to them, they won’t bite, don’t judge a woman at any age, my eldest children have gone on to work in education and finance, I’m super proud of course, some people may say wow thats shocking from a teenage mum, I don’t believe my age came into it, I was put on this earth to be a mum, age is irrelevant.