Gone are the archaic days when home births were the only option, leaving many woman in a very vulnerable and often scary position, with hot water and towels and lots of prayers. This is my little Home birth story, nowhere near as scary, bit of champers thrown in the mix too.
I met Jules in November 2004, he was staying with a friend of mine and we happened to go there for fireworks night, I had seen him around in the summer of that year and I remember saying to my beautiful friend Lisa how he would take longer in the bathroom than me (he still does).
We chatted that night and to cut a long story short he came to my house on a Wednesday and he never left, Never have a first date on a Wednesday unless you plan on keeping them forever, I had already had two gorgeous children and Jules already had a gorgeous daughter too.
In January we went to visit Jules parents in Salisbury, I remember thinking my jeans felt tight I can’t be pregnant surely, so I took a test without anyone knowing, it was negative, We came home and I just didn’t feel right so along with Lisa I got another test and this time it was Positive.
We had only been together a matter of months, I was so scared to tell Jules but with the help of Lisa I plucked up the courage to tell him, to say he was shocked was an understatement, he literally passed out on the kitchen floor, out cold, I knew then I had no hope when we were going through birth but he was amazing.
My pregnancy was tough this time around, I felt sick the whole time, this was my first pregnancy on thyroxine and I worried about the baby and the effects the drugs would have, we were a new couple too and the pressure was on to make this a family unit, I also had SPD (Symphysis pubis dysfunction) so by the end of the pregnancy even walking a tiny distance was agony, I felt like the baby was on its way out from about 30 weeks, I wore what can only be described as a sumo belt as if piling on 4 stone and becoming a raging bull full of hormones wasn’t enough.
Lisa was a great friend to me during my pregnancy, we had gone from sharing fags and chinese to being super excited to see this little life.
I was so lucky to be living on the Britwell, so when I went to the GP regarding my pregnancy they sent me to Sure start in my local area, it was there that I met Heather and Sue, I felt so comfortable with them and explained how horrific I felt my treatment had been in hospital and that I now had a fear of going to the hospital and going through that again, I explained that I wanted to have a home birth, I think I expected to get a negative reaction but what I got was warmth and love and tremendous support.
So it was decided by Heather and Sue my midwives that i could have my home birth, I had two great births with Andy and Soph, no pain relief, both births under three hours and both babies and myself in good health after, yes you can call me birthing Queen. So they both visited our home, met Jules on a few occasions and we started to make plans, I am a big planner, if you know me well you will know I have a list for my lists but I decided as I had with my previous births to not put the pressure on, so my birth plan was simple, I was going with the flow.
So the pregnancy went on and my due date was fast approaching, I had naturally gone into labour with both my previous pregnancies, one five days early and one five days late, Freya was due on September 13th, we had no idea if she was a boy or a girl and wanted to keep it that way, on the 7th September after what felt like a lifetime of hip and pelvic pain my midwife Heather decided to do a sweep, although uncomfortable I just was happy to have baby now as the pain was getting unbearable.
I went home after my sweep with the Midwives numbers in my phone and them waiting in anticipation for our babies impending arrival, I woke Jules up around 6am to say I think I’m in labour, so we got up, he called work to tell them he would be late (don’t ask, I have no idea why he thought he would be going to work after) and I called Heather to tell her the news, she left right away and we packed the older children off to school, they had no idea, the pain was bearable but intensifying all the time, by now I’m concentrating on walking and breathing and Jules has called my mum too.
When the midwives arrived they set up a little unit in the corner of our living room which had all the things needed if baby wasn’t feeling quite ready for this world, I was none the wiser to all this until after, they checked me over and things were moving pretty rapidly, my mum had arrived and it was just so calm, I wondered in and out the back garden attached to Jules for support, I listened to my body and just went with it, then came the moment that us mothers dread, the feeling of needing to shit a melon, I was utterly convinced as I had been with both of my previous births that I needed a poo, those lovely midwives convinced me not to go dashing to the loo and saved Freya from being born down the bog.
I had my waters broken fairly quickly by the midwives with both my previous births but Heather and sue were determined that they would break on their own, at 10.25am they did and at 10,30am swiftly followed our little bundle of fun, Jules had for some reason ended up at the business end, as our baby was coming out, only her head was born one of the midwives said “oh i think it’s a boy” so when the rest of the baby followed Jules said “oh his bits have fallen off”, he then refused to hold her until she was clean, to be fair he eats ribs and corn on the cob with a knife and fork.
Freya was born a very healthy 8lb 2oz and was so so quiet, that didn’t last, we were told that she may have some trouble coming of my thyroxine and so she could be little agitated, that was the understatement of the century, we later found out she was intolerant to dairy, I will talk about that in another blog, I will talk about how it feels to love something so small but want to tear your hair out at the same time, how it’s not always that amazing story of parenthood you hear about, how if your baby screams from morning until night it rips your soul out and you feel worthless and useless, I was so lucky to have Jules by my side, to put things in to perspective for me, when I felt like I just wasn’t going to be a good mum this time around because Freya never stopped crying he picked me up and we did it all together.
So here she was our little bundle of fun, once the midwives had done there bit to repair my nether regions I went to shower in my own bathroom, I came downstairs to a glass of champagne with my husband and mum and orange juice for our lovely midwives, all this before lunch, they were amazing, it was by far the best experience we have ever had, my mum was even shown the placenta and they explained what they were looking for etc, my mum has a fear of blood and has been known on a number of occasions to pass out, she was with us through it all, the atmosphere was amazing, I didn’t feel scared or judged, I felt calm and I knew they had everything under control.
we contacted the older children schools and by 4pm we were all together, now a family of six, our bonding had started less than six hours after she was born, we had a few friends pop in too, then we slept in our own bed and just chilled, a very lovely kind of surreal experience.
Now having said that I know that I’m one of the lucky ones, I hear and have witnessed with my own eyes, woman in labour forever and having to go through all sorts of things to get the baby to be born, I know that it could have gone wrong but it felt right, I trusted my judgement, we trusted those two midwives with mine and our babies life, if you can do it and your professionals agree then its going to be the best experience of your life.
Heather and I were in touch for a long time after, she came to Freya’s 1st birthday party and we still saw her when we went to get Freya weighed etc, unfortunately due to funding issues they closed the sure start on the Britwell, a huge community of parents of all ages were left with going back to the GP for support, it wasn’t just a place to see midwives, they had classes on breast-feeding, on picky eating toddlers, potty training etc the list was endless, it was always heaving, its such a shame to think that a huge community has lost such an important place, we will never forget the help we received from Heather and Sue, we as a family will forever hold them both in our hearts.
Heather and Sue changed my opinion on midwives, I’m sure now almost 26 years after my first birth that things have improved in hospitals, I know that my daughter in law was well looked after in hospital, that the midwives and doctors were amazing as she had a few complications, still there were issues, mainly being understaffed and overworked, so just know you have options, you have a choice as long as its deemed safe and is possible in your area you too can have a similar experience.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this, I won’t be writing again until after my little break with my loves, hopefully will have another blog on Sunday 19th August.
Shelley xx
Whatsnextmum 