Rollercoaster

Well this feels very odd, I haven’t done a blog in so long, thought its time to put my mind on to paper once again.

So much has happened in the last 9 months, some more horrific and each time we think we can see a light at the end of a very bleak tunnel we are dealt another blow, but hey thats life and we have remained a little family unit as always.

I thought I would just write a little about what we have endured just lately then go on to some things that have helped and then about our current situation we have all found ourselves in.

We have lost 2 very strong woman in our lives, both were taken cruelly from us, we lost my mother in law firstly and it was a long tough ending that we feel no one should have to go through, she was an incredible woman and Jules was a mummy boy so her loss has hit him hard, grief is all consuming for a period of time, and as the old saying goes time is a healer, he is by no means healed but he is finding his new normal without his beloved mum, then on mothers day this year we lost my precious nan to the Covid 19 virus, a massive blow because although my nan had not so long ago celebrated her 90 birthday she was a strong independent northern soul, we have been robbed of our grieving process but we are slowly coming to terms with it, we will celebrate her life as soon as we can.

We have also had some illness in the family, both Freya & I are under investigation for illnesses and although its tough were incredibly lucky to have support from the NHS as well as family and friends.

So all in all its been pretty shitty, then just as you think it couldn’t be any worse we get locked down in the middle of a pandemic, who would of thought it, I know I certainly couldn’t of ever imagined being in the middle of this.

We were exposed to the virus, when nan was sick so have had a 2 week isolation period and in some ways that prepared us for the lockdown ( we started isolation a few days before lockdown) we consider ourselves the lucky ones, we have a garden, the sun has been shining the majority of the time and we get on well, we also have a nutty doggy Dolly to keep us entertained and to give us our quoter of cuddles when we need them.

Freya has reacted surprisingly well to this new life we find ourselves in, her school are extremely supportive and we are so lucky she is a good teen, obviously she is the same as all teens, we struggle to get get her out of bed and to eat anything remotely green. She is filling her days with art,  baking, watching films and documentary and a little school work, we don’t pressure her to get things done, she does a lot of what she enjoys and a little of the stuff she has to do and thats good enough for us.

If you have read any of my Blogs in the past you will know that I suffer with mind health, although I don’t really like the word suffer,  so I thought it may be helpful if I write about the things that are helping me right now, although I’m well aware that this is a personal issue, it is sometimes helpful to try different things.

I firstly only watched the news once a day at 5pm to see the government announcement, obviously I do see things people write on social media but I don’t read newspapers or continually scroll the news headlines, as most of you are aware there is a great deal of scare mongering going on at the moment and my head needs positivity and not be filled with that stuff, its not helpful and breeds anxiety.

I take full advantage of my 1 hour of exercise a day, we go straight from our house so we don’t take any unnecessary travel, we have found some lovely walks and now we feel confident we wont get lost, we were at the back of the queue when the in built sat navs were given out, we have got lost in most places. We also do other exercise at home, Jules enjoys Hannahs workouts and I enjoy a more gentle approach, so either some  emily’s yoga or just some extra exercises I add in when I want to, but there is no pressure at all and when we don’t feel like it we don’t do it.

I am eating well and as much like normal as possible, so still no gluten and dairy for me, which has been helping with my tummy issues, I really feel there is a connection between food and mood for sure but even if there isn’t the feeling of cooking a good meal that my family enjoy and we can eat together is great.

Im trying to sit with my feelings more, if I feel anxious then I do, I sit with it instead of fighting it, I try not to work out why instead just think that its ok to feel that way and it will pass when its ready.

We are face-timing family, I miss cuddles from my parents, the kids and grandkids, in my head I say over and over that we are all feeling this way and that we are doing this so another family doesn’t have to go through the ordeal mine has already had to face. FaceTime is great and were so lucky that technology has come on so much so that we can be in the same room with our loved ones without touching. Although I can’t wait for a real hug.

I’m very lucky also that I have an amazing husband who listens to me rattle on, but rattle on we must, its a great way to offload any inner turmoil and anxiety, talk talk and talk some more, to friends, family or loved ones, or your pet. take mid day baths with bubbles and and products you have, pamper yourself if you can.

I have been reading, its a great way to lose yourself for an hour or two and explore your imagination, the house has never been cleaner and the washing basket has been empty for weeks, the garden has been done and Jules is loving how clean the car is and stays because it is rarely used.

My advice to anyone who suffers from any sort of mind health is this, do what you can do, get up and get dressed if you can, get outside and breath in the fresh air, eat well and talk to people even if thats done remotely, but if you only open your eyes and make it to the sofa for a Netflix day, your only food for the day is beige and out of a packet and you only manage a text to someone, thats ok too, try to add a little something the next day, take your time, it looks like we will have a great deal on our hands.