Mind health has no age restrictions

I have 3 children and a step daughter, my 2 girls have mind health problems, now having mind health problems myself is bad enough but watching your children suffer with there own mind health is extremely hard.

Sophie has PTSD and depression, she also suffers with some anxiety, I don’t think this started when she was younger, well not that I was aware of, it all began in her teens, maybe 15ish, she had a very bad experience and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me saying (she poof reads my blogs so i may get a ticking off) she went of the rails, I feel that like me she has always wanted to be loved, to be enough, even though she has always been loved by us and we find her beautiful and funny and full of life she has always sought this love elsewhere, In her 20″s She tried antidepressants and although i tried so many times to get her to seek some therapy she had to be ready for that.

Thankfully she is ready now and has started CBT, so far so good, I’ve had CBT on a few occasions so i cold warn her that she will go through some awful heartbreaking scary sessions but they will get better and she will get better and will soon enough be able to live the life we all see her living on the outside, she’s as good as her mum at covering her pain.

As a mum to a child with mind health problems I feel guilty, I wonder if its my fault she feels the way she does, if my own mind health problems have been passed on to her, I have second guessed my actions, I have played her life with me over and over in my head, I’m a protective mum but I have allowed my children to grow into what they want to be, I have never pressured them, I want them to achieve for the right reasons, doing the things they love and make them happy, I couldnt give a stuff what that is, I don’t care what they wear or how they have their hair as long as they are happy and they feel full-filled, so to see my girl suffering is hard, after lots of self criticism I realised that I wasnt  to blame,  yes there may be a reason it starts, whether thats a childhood memory or an incident in adult life but I still did all I could as a parent and I still do.

Freya had a very awful year at primary school in year 4, she was 8 at the time, she was basically bullied by a teacher, I took my innocent child to a place I felt was safe and where she would be learning and be supported only for her to have the worst year of her life, she had been diagnosed with dyslexia prior to joining year 4, she was placed with a dyslexic teacher, Freya spent more time at home that year than at school, we spent more time at school than we ever had, she was miserable and i thought about home school, I took every word she told me seriously and I fought battles I should never of had to have, she has since been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and the phycologist thinks this stems from the bad year she had.

We watched our little bright funny beautiful little girl disappear, she lost weight, she was physically sick, she would cry and beg to not go to school, slowly after leaving year 4 and arriving in year 5 she blossomed again with the help of possibly one of the best teachers I have ever met, she was nurtured and loved, still we could all see that Freya was struggling, our hearts broke, things seemed to go from bad to worse, any changes were met with panic, any thing out of the ordinary sent Freya spinning, my fight was on again, by now Freya was of to secondary school, she found the transition so so difficult, the school she is in now is amazing, we have the most amazing support and Freya has been having confidence classes and starts CBT soon too.

So hows it feel to be a parent of children with mind health problems?

I would assume it is different for every family but for us it is, funny and crazy when the girls are having good days/weeks and it is dark and kind of scary when one or both of the girls are having and days/weeks, I’m here always, i have been up in the night, I have laid on beds and held hands and cried with them, I have researched and joined social media groups to find help from other parents, we have walked and talked, we have read self help books together, we have done yoga and meditation, I’m sure there are many things we haven’t tried but we are open and we talk and talk until what ever is troubling us is shared and feeling slightly less scary.

I don’t feel qualified to hand out advice, I fuck up a lot at this parenting stuff but I will say that if it feels right try it, listen without judgement, talk and advice in small doses, seek help from school or your GP, don’t be afraid, educate yourself on mind health, especially if you are of a generation of people who put up and shut up.

Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is right, that my words are not enough, its all going in, they are listening, try not to despair, we tell Freya about her amazing positivities and achievements on a daily basis, we try to not dwell on the OCD and anxiety, in fact we tell her that it makes her special, she has tapped into part of her brain that others haven’t.

For me I’m stronger again, stronger for struggling myself and stronger for helping our girls, it makes for never a dull day, never a dull moment, we have the best best days and the worst worst days, I was made to be a mum, thats what I was put here for,